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Looking Inward to Succeed Outward

My life certainly hasn't changed dramatically or anything recently but my situation has altered a bit. I'm slowly, mentally getting used to the idea I don't have a "9-5" job anymore, and how to process having this new bit of extra time. I thought I'd share a few thoughts I've had recently...


Last weekend, when I had my last day at my retail job, I celebrated that evening with my best friend and I kept saying "Yay! I'm Unemployed!" - to which he replied "No you're not!" I kept saying it anyway just to make a joke and it persisted for a couple of days. Then I realized, it was really starting to worry me. I was unemployed. I have no job. My days are numbered. The end is near.

Wait a minute....

Hadn't I just left my job to be self employed? Didn't I want this? Wasn't this an open door, not a closed one? Why did I keep putting myself down?

In the spirit of being positive, I stopped saying that I was unemployed, no matter how much of a laugh I thought I might get out of people (it's easy to laugh at your situation when you're a broke college kid in an inner city art school, but I was becoming the butt of my own joke).

So I've shifted my attitude a bit. I am, indeed, self employed.

So what have I been doing with my time?

Well, I looked at the tasks I had in front of me. I have the responisbility to finish out this semester with great grades and have had a few awesome premieres and successful presentations. On the other hand, I want to be editing videos and tweeting and working on this website and making music videos to promote myself. I also have my senior recital, my wedding, my new job working with my dad to train for, and a couple last minute gigs I pulled together for myself.

Is it already too much?

No, I just need to sort out priorities. Here's what I've decided.

1. Focus on finishing the semester. I'm paying a fortune to go to this school and the respect from my peers and teachers really means a lot to me. Make a statement. Be the best.

2. Keep my promises. Yes, I will sing with my choir for the holidays, whether or not I get paid. Why? Because I said I would. Yes, I will come visit my sister before she leaves the country for a month. She needs a lot of support, and I'm her biggest fan! Yes, I will come home and relax and be thankful that my fiance and I have a beautiful home together and that we've had an amazing year. I will keep working out and hitting my fitness goals. I will answer that email. I will tutor you after school. I will keep my promises.

3. My Senior Recital is my next big event, then my wedding. Lately I've spent so much time focused on planning my wedding that I feel like my Senior Recital, my big production of the year, has taken a back seat. I'm capable of blowing everyone away with this thing, and the ideas never stop flowing! I need to put more energy into this and write some incredible music this year. Then I can focus on the next big day in my life.

4. Videos can Twitter can wait. Sure, social networking is huge and my video schedule has not been regular for months, but there are more important things that need to come first. I need to look inward, then outward. Focus on making the real deadlines and keeping the real promises before I create more work for myself. It can be a rewarding, creative endeavor but it's also a huge distraction sometimes. Even now, I should probably be doing something else.

On that note, I'm headed to bed. Early morning tomorrow, gotta knock out a killer final project in the morning! Who knows? I'll probably vlog about it, but you just will have to wait and see.

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