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New Year, but where am I going?

So Thanksgiving happened, Christmas came and went, and the highly anticipated New Year arrived to much of the world's delight. All through this time: no videos. No creating, no filming, not even a concrete plan. December was swept away by the whims of retail and the exhaustion of creative thought. I barely had the energy to do a simple arrangement.

What has happened to me?

This is a question I've been sitting on for days. I became very ill recently, as did my husband, and it seemed to throw everything out of whack. My energy levels have been low, my ambition and drive have been stilted, and I feel unfulfilled and frustrated.

So as you can imagine, I treated the New Year with the same amount of enthusiasm.

I didn't make a real list of resolutions, although I had a few. I'll share them with you:

  1. Write more. Write more music, more blogs, more journals, and begin work on my book. Seriously this time.

  2. Stop working retail (Check! Just put in my two weeks)

  3. Wake up and practice my instruments. The joke of "I own more instruments than I can play" is wearing very thin.

  4. Read. Actually, study. Seriously study what you need to learn about your craft, your heroes, how to be successful, and research the crap out of the subject matter for your book because it deserves to be truthful and real and not some fairytale.


I was tempted to keep writing but frankly it would have been a lie. The only real resolution I had a couple of days before the new year was the first one and that was partially because I needed a theme around the christmas gifts I was getting my siblings. I like themes and I like giving gifts.

To address #2, yes. I have put in my two weeks at my job. After doing the math, I realized that the work I would rather be doing reaps a much larger reward for the work put in. If I can get the work, it will be easier than ever to pay my bills. But that's just it; I have to find and demand the work. I'm scared out of my mind to actually do this, but I'm going to face my fears. The risk will be worth it in the end.

To address #3, I woke up and after laying in bed complaining about my shoulder for an hour, I did manage to practice and it was terrible and so much fun. It's been a long time since I just sat and sight-read some Chopin and Bach and Mozart on the piano and despite sounding clunky, I was impressed that my sight reading skills have actually progressed since I studied piano regularly.

For #4, I have a laundry list of books I would like to read. I have an even longer list of scores I should study. Then there's the suggestions and gifts from friends and family that I'm excited to sit down and read. I've never been much of an avid reader, but hey! New year, new-ish me right?

Oh yes and #1, well, this blog is the start of something I guess. I also got a journal. Usually, I despise journaling, but for some silly reason, it felt like the right time to start. Maybe since I've done the education portion and the finding-the-love-of-my-life portion of my life and I'm feeling a little lost and scared. That's what they do in Hollywood right? I have feelings and I'm going through a thing therefore I should write down my thoughts because supposedly they might mean something? Hmmm....

Speaking of Hollywood, I just watched "La La Land". I could rave about this film for days, but I'll spare you. I just demand you see it and then watch it again and again. Also, I'm blaming this film for being a turning point in my life. Can you do that? Can you declare: "I'm at a turning point in my life and things will get better from here!" Can you say this whenever it feels right? Something about that film made it feel right. Maybe that's what this new year is about: interpreting feelings.

Which is essentially the work of an artist or composer, so I must be doing something right.

Happy 2017 everyone.

I ask for your patience while I get out of this job and start risking my neck as an artist out there before I go back to making things on YouTube. Give me two weeks or till next Monday or maybe this weekend or maybe I'll just make tomorrow better.

Yeah. Happy New Year.

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